“I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should PANIC.”
Said no one, ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision because you panicked?
Take your time to answer, I’ll wait.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Probably never, right? OK, here’s an easier one: when was the last time you made even a mediocre decision because you panicked?
Tick tock, tick tock.
Can’t think of any? Fine, fine, let’s remember a few noteworthy events that happened when people panicked.
The stock market crash of 1929, leading to the Great Depression. Some called it Black Thursday. Or Black Monday. Or Black Tuesday. Or all 3.
The 1992 Los Angeles riots.
The 1965 Watts riots.
Ugh, this doesn’t sound so good, does it?
I can’t think of one instance where public panic has led to something good happening. I bet you can’t either.
So why do we think good things are going to happen from climate panic?
Tick tock, tick tock.
Al Gore infamously said “I believe it is appropriate to have an over-representation of factual presentations on how dangerous it is” and helped mainstream the Climate Panic Movement. And then we wonder why people D.E.N.Y.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Polar vortex. 2030 Climate deadline. Climate Deniers/Republicans. Poverty, bad grades, injustice to women, melting Himalayas, billions displaced. Green New Deal. Climate analog mapping. Celebrities screaming in their private jets on their way to Davos.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Adults who scare children into panic because they’ve been unable to solve the problem themselves. We even invented a new name for this psychosis: eco-anxiety. Then we put them on the cover of TIME magazine when they cry. We call them heroes and activists. We give them Fridays off to scream and yell at more adults.
Tick tock, tick tock.
We sign important-sounding pieces of paper and name them Paris and Kyoto to give them global importance, then scream when no one follows the instructions.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Columbia University, one of our nation’s most prestigious journalism schools, writes and promotes a blueprint for how climate panic should be communicated. They prescribe how to label those apostates, those non-panickers: climate science deniers, global heating, climate crisis, emergency or breakdown. Their justification? “Climate change is an important and complex story, and news organizations will need help in producing sustained, quality coverage.” There are no solutions; rather, they just frame our climate-death lexicon. Because we didn’t know how to panic before they came along.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Solar, wind, energy storage, grid edge, infrastructure, clean energy subsidies good/oil subsidies bad. Big Oil The Enemy, except for when we need our phone or computer or clothes or food or car or kid’s soccer game…then, Big Oil OK, but let’s not tell anybody. My energy math is better than yours — even if 7 plus 5 equals blue — which is why you should buy my solution instead of theirs.
Tick tock, tick tock.
It’s time to face the music, folks. We’ve had 30 years of Climate Panic, and look where it’s gotten us. We’ve deployed more solar and wind into the world than ever before. We’ve scared the bejesus out of our children, Democrats hate Republicans, we’ve lit our hair on fire and Chicken Littled our way across the globe; then we’ve ignored those messages because who the heck listens to pissed-off chickens? We lecture poor countries that they should prioritize climate death over food, or medicine, or education, or prosperity. Hey Mozambique, why aren’t you playing ball?
We’ve had all these climate panic successes, yet global temperatures continue to rise.
Climate panic hasn’t worked. So why do we want more of it?
Tick tock, tick tock.
