Planet Gus

I went down to the store today,
To shop for all of us,
And when I stepped out of my car,
I met a guy named Gus.

I can’t help but see, good sir,
Said Gus, as I walked near,
You drove up in your car today,
To get from there to here.

Perhaps you just don’t understand,
How close we are to dying,
Our planet is on life support,
Or do you think I’m lying?

Of course I see, I said to Gus,
Our planet’s very dear,
I would of course, walk down the road,
If I lived more than near.

Allow me to enlighten you,
You seem a caring chap,
The auto that you drove to here,
Is really full of crap.

There’s steel and bolts and black rub-ber,
All made from precious land,
And certain-ly you know by now,
It’s made with bloody hands.

Buy one of these instead, Gus says,
I promise you, it’s cleaner,
He turned and pointed to his car,
His EV said it’s greener.

But wait, dear Gus, I just don’t see,
It’s all a bit confusing,
Why is it that your steel and bolts,
Are so much less abusing?

Those batt’ries that you have inside,
Are they so clean and pretty?
I know the gas I burn is bad,
But is yours so un-dirty?

I now see what the problem is,
Gus said with eyes afire,
It seems to me that you are one,
Of those we call Denier.

You drive your car and buy your food,
Your kids get ed-u-cation,
Instead of spending hard-earned cash,
On planet devas-tation.

How dare you not pa-nic like me,
Who do you think you are?
Do you think it’s silly as,
This putrid little car?

Your food, your shoes, your com-pu-tot,
Your dang-ly pant-a-loons,
Are made with oily, blacky stuff,
We know caus-es monsoons!

Monsoons, you say, that seems ex-treme,
How is that, can you say?
Wea-ther has been ‘round, dear Gus,
At least since first of May.

I understand, let’s all conserve,
And make some cleaner choices,
But don’t you think, let’s not just scream,
But find some saner voices?

We’ve heard the voice, Gus said so loud,
His Highness, Sir Al Gore!
He told us the de-bate is done,
And that we’re in a war!

He showed us that we need wind-mills,
And sun — he taught the class!
And burning down more shrubs and trees,
Is just clean biomass.

Your problem, I can see right now,
Is that you don’t get science,
Heat and C-O-2, good sir,
Form an ucky-muck al-liance.

C-O-2, not 1 or 3,
Just causes so much trouble,
It heats and speats and mag-ni-vates,
And makes a poison bubble!

You breathe it in, you die right there,
Your living is no longer!
I can’t believe we’re still alive,
Because it’s grown so stronger.

How dare you drive, how dare you eat?
How dare you try to hide?
Your siggly, iggly, piggly life,
Will lead to eco-cide!

You heat and spew and igno-rate,
And con-sume what’s not broke,
What’s frus-ter-ating most for me,
Is how are you not Woke?

That dirty C-O-2, I say,
It’s 2, not 1 or 3,
Isn’t that the food we need,
To feed these greeny trees?

They soak it up, they drink it whole,
They swallow it completely,
In fact if Number Two was gone,
Would we be here so neatly?

The more of it, it seems to me,
Makes green and reds grow fatter,
If we be-gone with all of it,
Won’t our lives be bad-der?

I’m Woke enough, dear Gus, I say,
Believe me when I feel it,
But if our planet is so broke,
Why can’t we just re-tree it?

With dirt and trees and buggy stuff,
All easy to de-ploy,
All that stuff’s been working fine,
Since ‘fore I was a boy.

Sticks and stones, oh that’s just droll,
Gus asked, is that a joke?
On-ly high-tech-nol-o-gy,
Can fix all that is broke.

We need new Blurks and Stid-gels,
And sunny bloppy-tagnants,
I’d try to ex-plain more to you,
But you are so ig-NOR-ant.

Of course we need, to make that stuff,
More people by the gobs,
Washing green is eas-i-er,
If we just call them jobs.

Us Climate Wolk Folk know the way,
With perfect-good distinction,
That only giving up our cash,
Prevents human ex-tinc-tion!

The only way I see right now,
Our planet to be saved,
Is give up all your worldly goods,
And go to live in caves.

So give me all your shoes ‘n stuff,
I’ll help you save your fam’ly,
Give me ti-tle to your car,
I’ll sell it all on e-Bay.

No need to thank me, I’m the guy,
Who’s too above “you’re welcome”,
Oh, by the way, that hole you’re in?
We need that cave’s lith-i-um.

*In honor or Dr. Seuss’ birthday and those cancelling his legacy…Ted Geisel, we need you more than ever…